When Mr. Fix-It Won't Do [SK]

Av8tor Bob has hit the big time with this excellent piece in Christianity Today.

The topic: miscarriage:
Main point: The pain of miscarriage may be worse than you think and you can't just fix it. Bob writes:

I had it wired. I read the books. I attended the seminars. I had t-shirts, even a lapel pin, that touted my proud claim to be a "Promise Keeper." The second line of my personal Life Purpose Statement was a bold pronouncement that I would support and encourage my wife in all ways and love her "as Christ loved the church." We'd already ridden the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy together three times and had three wonderful boys to show for it. So when the happy-go-lucky lady I'd always known dissolved into a sobbing mess one day, I didn't even flinch. I was ready to take care of things.

Her shoulders hitched as she tried to force out words that blindsided me. "I … I was pregnant … but I lost the baby."

She'd found out she was pregnant four weeks into her first term, but wanted to surprise me with the news during a weekend getaway we'd planned to take in another two weeks.

Bob then contrasts his own reaction to that of his wife's:

My wife's miscarriage occurred less than six weeks into the pregnancy, yet she had narrowed down possible names for the baby. She'd decorated the nursery in her mind. She'd already welcomed the new addition to our family. I, on the other hand, felt a detached loss for someone I never knew. Not having felt the depth of her joy in anticipating the new arrival, it was difficult to instantly share her despair.

Bob concludes with three suggestions for loving husbands:

1) You can't understand your wife's pain
2) You can't fix it
3) Your wife needs to know you're grieving too

Read the whole thing. For those of you in the Pittsburgh area, Bob will be interviewed on the John and Stephanie Show (Word 101.5 FM) at 5:00 PM (EDT) May 30th.